this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
