weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
