Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
