With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
