he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
