Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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