...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
