dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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