So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
