My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
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Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
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What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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