the condom got lost in my hair
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
