This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
