whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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