Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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