what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
