honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
