his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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