do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Randomize
