I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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