Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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