That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
