I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
