Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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