just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
They are going to name an STD after you.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
