Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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