Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
