Please, let me fuck your mom
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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