Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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