fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
