Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
