So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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