John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
