She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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