I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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