When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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