Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I still have a little drunk in my system
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
