dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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