Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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