What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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