two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
