All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
