I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
