How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
