I'll bet she douches with gravy.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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