don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
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