What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
