If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
