is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
