Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize