so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
