last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
