Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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