the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
