What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
