Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
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I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
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Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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