I think im going to throw up on grandma
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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