I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
