I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
