After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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