my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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