I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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