im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
