some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
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