I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
