I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
