I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
A bitchslap is in order.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
