you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
