I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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