My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
