Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
