You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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