Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
