My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
