I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
