What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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