I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved