so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
