dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
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I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
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My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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