Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
