im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.