She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
