it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
