I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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