I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
