ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
