17 year olds will be the death of me.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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